One of my Facebook friends linked to an article about artisan chicken coops yesterday—you know, the sort of chicken coop that has the chickens living in more style than a middle-class wage earner in a developing nation. That had me thinking about what chicken coops designed by different architects would look like.
The Frank Lloyd Wright: A beautiful chicken coop mimicking the flow of water down a stony terrace. Eighteen different square elements are stacked into a descending spiral shape. It takes two people nine hours to clean the poop out of all the nooks and crannies every week.
The Minoru Yamasaki: Two box-shaped coops slightly offset next to each other. Each coop has a 10x10ft. footprint and is 120 feet high, holding 12,000 chickens.
The Walter Gropius/Bauhaus: A coop vaguely shaped like a rooster comb and made out of steel and glass. The chickens live in 128 identical single apartments with little balconies. Because of the huge windows, interior temperature on sunny days is 112 degrees.
The Le Corbusier: A monstrous 30x30ft. concrete block with an interior chicken run and its own freeway exit. The chickens descend into depression and substance abuse, and the suicide rate is sky-high.
The Frank Gehry: The coop is made out of corrugated sheet metal, hammered together in the shape of a giant beak. It sits in the middle of a two-acre reflecting pool.
The Hundertwasser: A brightly-painted, asymmetrical chicken coop that sits on stilts. It has a roof garden. Predators intent on chicken meals forget about their prey and take pictures in awe instead.
The Libeskind: The coop is just wide enough for two chickens side-by-side, but it’s 50 yards long and makes nine angles, including three 90-degree turns. The chickens often get lost inside.
The Howard Roark: A bare patch of ground in the middle of the front lawn. The chickens can’t expect everything to be handed to them.